“If he could have saved her – and he could have – and chose not to, how do you put your faith in a God like this?” ” (Celebrating Pregnancy by Franchesca Cox).
The Bible says that when the faithful call on the Lord, he answers them. So what does that mean in my case? That since I had some common, honest doubt, he took my child? I can’t believe that.
I can’t believe that “everything happens for a reason.” Because that would imply that my life – or someone else’s, or multiple someone else’s lives – are more important than Anderson’s. It would imply that he had to die so that someone else could learn something, or do something, that was more important than his life. And that doesn’t make sense to me. I can choose to turn his death into something positive for myself or others, but that’s not why he died, so I could make that choice. It’s just a result by someone who is deciding to be resilient and make sure the death wasn’t totally meaningless. So I guess the survivors create the reasons for themselves to help themselves feel better. Otherwise it feels so pointless, the death. In Anderson’s case, it still feels that way. It didn’t have to happen. There’s no good reason. We were responsible, we were prepared, we were ready. We were so excited to be moms. So much good could have come from his life, so much more than from his death. So why? Why did this have to happen to us?