In light of yesterday’s post, I was pleased to see Still Standing Magazine’s article for today: “The Complete List of Do’s and Don’ts When Supporting the Bereaved.” I agree with pretty much everything, except that “encourage and give them hope” is considered a “Do.” While the author supports her other Do’s with examples, this one doesn’t have an example, which makes me think that it actually belongs as a Don’t – since the examples sure seem to be there!
When I was in the depths of my grief – and still, honestly – one of the worst things someone said to me or could say to me was “don’t worry! You’re young! You’ll have more children and the next time you’ll have the perfect pregnancy! You’ll see! After all, the odds are in your favor!”
Isn’t this someone trying to encourage me, give me hope? And yet isn’t what this women said full of all the absolute wrong things to say to a babyloss mom? Of course I’m worried. I didn’t think my pregnancy was going to go wrong, but it did. I have every right to worry. Yes, I’m young. Sort of, if you are looking at my lifespan as a whole. But mid-30s isn’t exactly spring chicken for childbearing, at least not medically. Three, you have no way of knowing if I’ll have more children, or that I’ll have a perfect pregnancy. How could you possibly presume to know? This isn’t giving me hope, it’s just being ignorant. And the odds in my favor? Technically, I guess, that’s true – my odds of having an abruption again are 25%. But last time they were less than 1%. So, thanks, but the odds mean nothing to me anymore.
What do you think? Do the Do’s and Don’ts ring true with you?