In gratitude for good moderators

Since last June, I have been following a post on Glow in the Woods asking for success stories for pregnancies post-placental abruption. I keep hoping there will be a story like mine, and then a success (no luck yet). I’m hoping to keep following and be able to post my own success story some day, since this thread is still alive and kicking; I receive emails of people posting to it approximately twice a month.

One response seriously pissed me off, and I was so relieved and grateful to the Glow moderators when I found that, while it’s still stewing in my inbox, it’s no longer on the Glow site in response to the thread. However, since I am writing this to seek solidarity for my indignation, here is what the now-deleted post said (verbatim):

“For all who have had a loss please hang in there and KEEP FIGHTING. You must keep fighting. This is the way of the world and it will get better. Keep HOPE alive by your fighting on. It will and you will. Trust in your fight that you can and will …..

My gf is again preg after giving birth to a 5lb 10oz baby boy named Jack. She is preg again ONLY two months after having a successful PA birth ……

My girlfriend at age 39 (and a smoker) had two babies before we had Jack on Halloween (no pun intended on the name haha) a few days prior to 37 weeks. He scored well enough on the APGAR that he did not have to go to the NICU. Her previous pregnancy about five years ago lasted about 36 weeks – and she had to got to the NCIU. Thankfully both Jack (who is four months old) and Isabella (five years old) are both doing well. Tracy (my girlfirend) never had a PA or anything like that in her two previous pregnancies and considered this preg with Jack was her most harsh preg.

The day before Jack was born we were at the docs. Tracy was dialted a few cms and so they were doing testing to see if she was ready. She wasn;t and the testing was intrusive as they were prodding her private area. She was a bleeidng a little bit afterwards. That night we went to the doctors on route 22 near Watchung, NJ (North Jersey). She was really bleeding during her bathroom time though it wasn;t running down her legs. It was around 10:30pm. She did not feel right about it. I was not too sure what was going on and was kind of like the helper. So we went home and the next morning – around 5am – she woke me up and said “I am having this baby!”.

We rushed over to the hosp – luckily it was only a few blocks from our residence – and she had the baby in like ten minutes. Tracy felt like something was wrong. The doc came in the delivery room about five mins after Tracy got in there and reached into her private area. About 30 seconds after doing so the doc pretty much broke her water, told Tracy that “stay with me, you are going to have this baby”. About three mins later – or waht seemed like ten seconds – Jack was born. It seemed like the after her second push the baby come out. Afterwards we learned Tracy had a PA. I am not sure what the percentage of PA it was or anything like that. On my end I was too concerned with both Tracy and Jack. I almost fainted. The doctors came to my aid even after Jack just came out and Tracy was in need.

Now, Tracy is again pregnant. We got into it and she told me she is preg again. We are scared in a way b/c she is already seven weeks. that means shee only had about two months in between her PA, delivery and now preg again. Anyone have any thoughts, or best practices?!? Tracy is not ultra Catholic but is against abortion and has the heart of a lion. At the same time she is going to be 40 in a few weeks, has a new born and smokes (not a triathlete).”

I. Just. Can’t.

First of all: Really? 99% of this is not about placental abruption. In fact, the only indication was that she was bleeding while at the doctors, and they somehow sent her home anyway? Second: you have a preemie, and you continue to smoke, even though you have a newborn and one on the way? Seriously? Yes, I’m being totally all judgey-McJudgerson over here, but NO. How dare you come to all these women who have struggled and tried to do everything right and readily admit, yeah, my girlfriend smokes and doesn’t exercise and gets pregnant without even trying, and she and our kids are just dandy! Um, you’re here for “thoughts and best practices?” Try NOT SMOKING. And EXERCISING. Third: The first paragraph is just insulting, and it sets the tone of the rest of the post, making it seem as though he is bragging that they were able to get pregnant so quickly (I think this is actually why it was ultimately removed). But the point of this Glow thread is not that it’s possible to get pregnant again – it’s “is it possible to go on to have a healthy baby?” That is the question that is still largely unanswered, no matter where you look, and this post doesn’t contribute to that discussion.

Rant over. But the question of if it’s possible to have a healthy baby after a loss to placental abruption seems to remain.

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3 Responses to In gratitude for good moderators

  1. sheriroaf says:

    Gross. I can’t read this without feeling totally uneasy. I’m extraordinarily judgmental, especially now and I have a very hard time accepting that this woman has 3 healthy children and is pregnant again considering how she treats her body and her pregnancies. This is a slap in the face to anyone that has lost a child to miscarriage or death.

  2. meghanoc says:

    Oh my- I would have screamed!! I’m so glad for some good moderation too on that site. Recently a heated thread- someone mourning her term stillbirth and was frustrated with a friend who tried to comfort her saying she understood, she had a miscarriage. Someone responded about having had multiple miscarriages and feeling alienated by her comment. IT was such a difficult thread to read- I could understand both ends- how someone might feel alienated by the comment but also I have had the same response- my baby dying was not the same as miscarriage (yes, both losses, and with time I can relate much better, but in the early days I couldnt relate very well at all). the space shoudl be a safe place to vent all feelings liek that too. The moderator closed the thread and handled it so well. I’m so glad they did the same here- where it was much more clear that the post was inappropriate! geez! sounds super attention seeking and so hurtful in its ways!

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