Ander day… and the day after

Ander day, as we ultimately decided to refer to Saturday (aka the one year anniversary of his last day, or the day we got to cuddle him for 36 hours straight), turned out to be rather perfect. We went for a morning hike at the Aboretum, stopped by a friend’s housewarming party, then headed to Montrose Harbor to fly kites.

Sparrow kite on Ander day

Flying kites on Ander day

We had time for a quick run to Costco, then off to dinner with our friends, which was delicious, though a bit sad, as they had to delay their trying-again process by yet another month or two due to some medical news.

Best of all, as we were eating dessert, it started to snow. I was so hoping it would, and it did! Definitely a sign from Ander, as our polar vortex baby sent us winter storm Juno, which gave us a 12-hour blizzard warning and 18 inches of snow!

It was the day after Ander day that was rough. The snow was lovely, and we enjoyed snowshoeing in it, even though it was technically still blizzarding (living here, though, you know how to dress appropriately). Since we were snowed in (our street and sidewalks still aren’t plowed), we figured we would be responsible and do our taxes. Can you see where this is going, fellow babyloss moms?

After some research, we determined we could, in fact, claim Ander as a dependent, as he did live and die during the year (there is a box for that, in fact). But we need his social security number. Both K and I are 90% positive we applied for and received this number, but… we couldn’t find the card. Let me be clear: I saved EVERYTHING of Ander’s. Yet for some reason, one folder seems missing, and of course, it not only has his SS card, but also the additional identity-document I need to apply to see his number – the death certificate. Birth certificate I have, but the funeral home paperwork is also MIA.

Cue the meltdown.

What it also meant was that we had to go through every single file and every document related to Ander, something I had been avoiding because I didn’t want to, and wasn’t ready to, rehash that all emotionally. I still wasn’t, yesterday, so it was a very rough day. Today has been spent calling the SS office and the funeral home to try and get a new death certificate so that I can take that and his birth certificate to a SS office and find out his SS number so we can file our taxes. Hoping the latter gets back to me soon… guess my next option would be the hospital. Sigh.

In short, Saturday was great. Sunday was rough.



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9 Responses to Ander day… and the day after

  1. I’m glad Ander Day was everything you wanted it to be. I’m sorry to hear yesterday was so stressful. I hope you’re able to get the paperwork sorted without too much extra trauma. Hugs, Mama xxx

  2. sheriroaf says:

    I’m so sorry that you were forced to go through stuff before you were ready. The paperwork part is the worst and the IRS wasn’t exactly easy for us to deal with either. We also couldn’t find my sons social come tax time last year. When we finally filed, the IRS rejected our return because of my sons SS number, we actually had to prove that he existed. Finally in the spring they accepted. Fast forwaed to October of this year and we get a letter from the IRS claiming someone else had also used my sons number for their return as well and we had to call them. Such a mess. How anyone could do that to a parent in our situation is gross.

    • babylossmama says:

      Horribly gross. We can technically file via mail and send a copy of his birth certificate, but I feel it’ll be so much easier if we can just bleeping find that SS number. Fortunately, we have a new death certificate on the way, so with that and birth cert in hand I should be able to get it worked out in person at an SS office. Such a pain, but at least I’m feeling at this point that it’s doable.

      • sheriroaf says:

        Ugh, I’m so sorry. These are things that we shouldn’t have to deal with. As soon as you take two steps forward, you’re being forced two steps backward…by the IRS none the less! The grief I was prepared for, the comments from people, sure…never the paperwork.

  3. typhaine says:

    I’m sorry yesterday was so difficult. But I am happy for you Saturday was sweet and snowy. And I love that you named it Ander day.

  4. meghanoc says:

    Oh man what a contrast of days! seems like a crash and burn the day after. taxes and finances stress me out so much- I could just cry at that (I did last year as I struggled to find stupid info on a condo I have that we rent out). But to add the rehashing of your son’s life and death through paperwork. i’m amazed you got out of bed this morning!

    on a logistics note, I feel like I’e read that you only need a birth and death certificate? we never got a SSN for Mabel…

    • babylossmama says:

      True, I’m sure… but we never got a death certificate. We didn’t want it in the house. Of course, now we have ordered a copy from the funeral home, as we need it regardless (either for taxes or the SSN)… so there’s that.

  5. Jennifer says:

    Oh those goods days often come with the bad days. It sounds like Ande’s Day was just magical. I know that the logistics of the loss of our sons often triggers breakdowns. Like when the mailman rang the doorbell to hand deliver a large envelope with “DEATH CERTIFICATE” posted on the outside. Not fun.

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