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Monthly Archives: May 2014
If it happened to Mary…
I am a first born. I tell you this because it was what my mother used to say to justify why I was such a perfectionist as a child, so anxious to “get it right.” I was the child always labelled … Continue reading
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Tagged #babyloss, #church, #faith, #heaven, #Mary, #pieta, #prayer, #religion
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Grief’s backpack
Grief is not something you “get over.” It’s something you get under. Someone has loaded a backpack of rocks and has placed it on your back. At first you’re not sure how to undo the straps, so it’s easier to just sit … Continue reading
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Where I was three months ago
Also from my journal… from February, just a few weeks after losing Ander. It rambles a bit, but I let it, as I think it reflects how scattered I felt at the time. I was going to be a member … Continue reading
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Crisis friends
I think there is something both awkward and obvious about wanting to befriend people who were important to you in times of crisis. In any case, both K and I think it’s kind of a shame to compartmentalize the people … Continue reading
Minor religious musings
“If he could have saved her – and he could have – and chose not to, how do you put your faith in a God like this?” ” (Celebrating Pregnancy by Franchesca Cox). The Bible says that when the faithful … Continue reading
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Tagged #babyloss, #bible, #franchesca cox, #God, #Lord, #pregnancy, #reason
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The babyloss identity (or, where I am now)
I have always been someone who is defined by a more or less singular identity. In high school, I was a Gymnast. I use a capital “G” intentionally – it was who I was. I trained for 20 hours a … Continue reading
Where I was two months ago
Ander died in January. It’s now May. Here’s a snippet from my journal from the in-between March. Perhaps next time I’ll get you an update on where I am now! When we moved out here, I waited to engage. I … Continue reading
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Today, I’m clearly bitter about pregnant people
I have a lot less tolerance for people who complain about months 7-9 of their pregnancies. “Wanna trade?” I want to ask them. But that’s both bitter and morbid. But man, I want to smack them sometimes. Don’t they realize … Continue reading
A blessing in honor of International Bereaved Mother’s Day
When near the end of the day, life has drained Out of light, and it’s too soon For the mind of night to have darkened things, No place looks like itself, loss of outline Makes everything look in-between, Unsure if … Continue reading
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Tales of another micropreemie…
It’s hard for me to read stories of babies who were born “just like mine” who survived. But this one (link at bottom), in its similarity to my story, really touched me, especially when the author says: “I decided that we … Continue reading
baby boy blue 