Monthly Archives: May 2014

If it happened to Mary…

I am a first born. I tell you this because it was what my mother used to say to justify why I was such a perfectionist as a child, so anxious to “get it right.” I was the child always labelled … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Grief’s backpack

Grief is not something you “get over.” It’s something you get under. Someone has loaded a backpack of rocks and has placed it on your back. At first you’re not sure how to undo the straps, so it’s easier to just sit … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Where I was three months ago

Also from my journal… from February, just a few weeks after losing Ander. It rambles a bit, but I let it, as I think it reflects how scattered I felt at the time. I was going to be a member … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Crisis friends

I think there is something both awkward and obvious about wanting to befriend people who were important to you in times of crisis. In any case, both K and I think it’s kind of a shame to compartmentalize the people … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Minor religious musings

“If he could have saved her – and he could have – and chose not to, how do you put your faith in a God like this?” ” (Celebrating Pregnancy by Franchesca Cox). The Bible says that when the faithful … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The babyloss identity (or, where I am now)

I have always been someone who is defined by a more or less singular identity. In high school, I was a Gymnast. I use a capital “G” intentionally – it was who I was. I trained for 20 hours a … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Where I was two months ago

Ander died in January. It’s now May. Here’s a snippet from my journal from the in-between March. Perhaps next time I’ll get you an update on where I am now! When we moved out here, I waited to engage. I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments