Bad omens

As I mentioned a few days ago, I associate seeing robins with my son coming to say hello. So what does it mean that on my walk yesterday, I saw a dead robin on the side of the road?

It was perfect, unmangled. But it was unmistakably dead, beak agape. I tried not to read it as a bad omen, but I’ve felt disconcerted about it since.

To add to that, they have apparently re-re-named the Apatosaurus back to the Brontosaurus. In fact – lol – my spell check just highlighted Apatosaurus, and when I asked for spelling suggestions, my only option was “Brontosaurus.” In the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t matter. But.

When Ander was in the NICU, we had to walk by the gift store between the hospital entrance and his isolette. Every day for the first few weeks, there was a corduroy dinosaur that kept catching my eye. I thought I would jinx things if i bought it. I thought I would jinx things if I didn’t. I bought it. It’s tag claims it’s an Apatosaurus, but my wife kept not believing the illustrious Brontosaurus of our childhood had undergone a name change, so we decided to call it an Andersaurus. This dino now sits on one of his shelves, draped in the blanket K knit in the NICU and next to Ander-bear and the koala.

So when yesterday I saw first the dead robin, then the news about the Apatosaurus / Brontosaurus, it was hard to keep my mind from going to dark places. If I insist that seeing the field of robins was a good sign, mustn’t I also assume the dead robin was a bad one? If I believe that seeing signs is silly and it’s simply coincidental, then I lose a bit of the peace I feel when I think my son is saying hello. Which do I hope for more?

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5 Responses to Bad omens

  1. Kerri says:

    K- I had a totally different experience down here this evening with a slew of Robins. I’ve been on a walking kick as you know. It is a means to deal with all of my anger and aggrivation over losing Thatcher. Two times this week it has poured but I still walked. Tonight, there was a puddle in the middle of the street with about 10 Robbins or so playing and bathing themselves. They were having a great time until I came walking up with my dog that would just assume eat them. They flew off and perched on a nearby roof until I got passed and they went right back to it. Playing like a bunch of little children in a matter puddle. I cannot help but say that it made me think of you and K and of course Ander tonight when I saw them all.

    • babylossmama says:

      It helps to know that – my Ander was just playing with Thatcher in the mud and saying hello to you. If I keep that in mind it helps me think that the dead bird was just that – and not a sign. Thanks for sharing, Kerri!

  2. Kerri says:

    Wel I slept aggravation incorrectly above and I cannot go back to edit it.

  3. I have signs for Hugo, too. Just like your signs from Ander, I like to think my son is saying hello. Signs can be a double-edged sword sometimes as you say. Daffodils are a symbol for Hugo – I love them when they’re all fresh, new and vibrant, but can’t stand to look at them when they start to fade and shrivel. I don’t have any answers for you about how you interpret them, but just wanted to send virtual hugs xxx

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