As I mentioned a few days ago, I associate seeing robins with my son coming to say hello. So what does it mean that on my walk yesterday, I saw a dead robin on the side of the road?
It was perfect, unmangled. But it was unmistakably dead, beak agape. I tried not to read it as a bad omen, but I’ve felt disconcerted about it since.
To add to that, they have apparently re-re-named the Apatosaurus back to the Brontosaurus. In fact – lol – my spell check just highlighted Apatosaurus, and when I asked for spelling suggestions, my only option was “Brontosaurus.” In the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t matter. But.
When Ander was in the NICU, we had to walk by the gift store between the hospital entrance and his isolette. Every day for the first few weeks, there was a corduroy dinosaur that kept catching my eye. I thought I would jinx things if i bought it. I thought I would jinx things if I didn’t. I bought it. It’s tag claims it’s an Apatosaurus, but my wife kept not believing the illustrious Brontosaurus of our childhood had undergone a name change, so we decided to call it an Andersaurus. This dino now sits on one of his shelves, draped in the blanket K knit in the NICU and next to Ander-bear and the koala.
So when yesterday I saw first the dead robin, then the news about the Apatosaurus / Brontosaurus, it was hard to keep my mind from going to dark places. If I insist that seeing the field of robins was a good sign, mustn’t I also assume the dead robin was a bad one? If I believe that seeing signs is silly and it’s simply coincidental, then I lose a bit of the peace I feel when I think my son is saying hello. Which do I hope for more?